Five days ago, the world was stunned by the discovery of an Earth-like planet in tandem orbit with our own luscious planet. When asked why such a significant object had been overlooked, NASA officials pointed to the sky and said, "It's a big-a$$ed sky and we've been looking for rouge asteroids to give Bruce Willis a plot device for a new movie. Plus, it's been directly across us, behind the sun this whole time. We only found it because Bob was looking through the Hubble Telescope at the sun with the X-Ray glasses he got from his cereal box that morning."

NASA immediately launched one of its new X-10 titanium (Ti) shuttles to get a different perspective of the freaky chunk of real estate. In a few more months (classified), the astronauts will attempt to touch down on the planet. Sources say that the astronauts have been instructed in possible alien protocol, including not shooting guns in the air in triumph for fear of starting an interplanetary war, and what to do if a red-shirt gets fragged. Astronauts have adopted the traditional Star Trek: The Next Generation regalia for dress uniform. Ensign Smith is reportedly really ticked off that he got the red shirt. "Man, don't they know the red-shirt always gets popped in the first ten minutes!" 

As far as we can tell, the planet, which will be renamed "Bob" in honor of its discoverer, is extremely similar to our own. So similar, in fact, that government officials are racing to patent our basic human lifestyle attributes before the alien creatures can rip-off our best ideas, like corporate take-overs, government cover-ups, and digital watches. 

Scientists scoff at this action, the general consensus being that we are so far superior to any beings on planet Bob that our technology will seem like magic. "We've taken along cases of bubble-gum, Yo-Hoo and Windows laptops. If that doesn't impress them with our technological prowess, nothing will," said Shuttle commander Gates before take-off. Janitor Gus interrupted Gates by reminding him that he had neglected to pack batteries for the laptops and the clean underwear his wife had sent. 
These proceedings were interrupted by a group of protestors who claimed that Elvis had spoken to them and was, in fact, stranded on planet Bob during a failed attempt to launch himself into orbit shortly after his faked death. NASA officials had no comment, which we all know means "It's true!" The colorful bunch of characters was led off by a friendly group of armed Military police. 

Upon reflection, one can almost glimpse the potential of an earth-like twin, gleaming softly in the sky, her soft oceans full of strange creatures, her mountains full of precious gems, her plains full of petroleum, and her dominant life-forms no match for our superior intellect and It's enough to make a power-hungry dictator rub his plans and say "It's time to take over the worlds!"

Planet Bob, welcome to the Solar System. It's a crazy, mixed up place with not enough parking, high-energy costs, and people who just want their cake without having to bake it. You should fit right in. Oh, and the rent is $650 billion a year, no pets allowed.